I've really been enjoying the Freaky Fortnight article series currently on Slate. In which, a stay-at-home, writer mom and a full time editor dad switch duties or as she says "switch the balance" on the responsibilities they share. The writing is humorous, laid back, a bit predictable but insightful.
It touches a few subjects I've been mulling over. For one, it's interesting to me how each couple has to work out a game plan, a sort of divide and conquer list of duties. The classic: you bring home the bacon, I'll cook it up.
But in modern life there's a lot more to do than bacon baking. Who cleans the bathroom? Pays the insurance? Talks about feelings? Provides spiritual direction? I've known a lot of couples and so I've known almost as many ways to divide up the "To Dos". Many have sent shivers up my spine. (He can't cook a decent dinner?? She can't balance a check book?? Yikes!) But I remind myself, that's why I didn't marry guy x and he never would have married me AND to each his own.
The amount of shared dependence increases substantially when a couple becomes a family. There's a LOT more to do in the domestic realm. Domestic doesn't mean feminine, but more often than not it trends that way.
To me couples and their families are better equipped when both people are handy with the life skills. Easily interchangeable "tasking" can be a much needed pressure release valve for a struggling spouse. Y has a long day? X does dinner. X is feeling sick? Y does dinner. In Biblical terms we're more "equally yoked."
But I know that's my own personal preference. So it's interesting to see a couple that's doing the literal translation - physically switching spots and then switching back without any expectation of disastrous results.
Man this is long. Anyway, what I find striking is the surprisingly HIGH amount of Guilt and Self-Doubt a lot of moms carry around with them. The first hurdle back to work Burton mentions is the surprising lack of confidence she initially feels. I know she isn't alone. I'm continually caught off guard by the LOW confidence I find in women around me. I want to tell a lot of them to go watch an episode of Mr Rogers or Sesame Street (You are special! There's no one else like you!)
I don't have a lot of those feelings and I'm not sure why. I wonder if it's because I'm simply emotionally insensitive OR if it is because I feel less constrained by wifely expectations because of my very capable husband OR because I have an independent income OR because I've NEVER felt very constrained by convention
And since we're on the subject of Sesame Street, what happened to Prarie Dawn? She was the only original female muppet and she disappeared. And what's up with Elmo's power grab? He nudged all the other muppets out and they were a lot funnier and less annoying than him.
4 comments:
Ah, but Elmo is so popular with the kids.
My comments on traditional vs. non-traditional roles are best left for an email...
Tangent - I am also surprised by Elmo's ability to take over the world...er sesame street. I watched a little the other day and it bothered me that it showed his house/room and it was supposed to look like a child colored it. I could barely tell what it was, how is a child supposed to be able to recognize it?
I think a fair amount of what people do in their family responsibilities has to do with how they were raised and with their generation.
It is interesting to see how personalities fit together.
ps - I also miss the other members of sesame street who could actually talk and pronounce things clearly.
Thoughtful post. I am still trying to figure these things out. But, I do know that we can't do it all...being an adult, especially a parent, means you have to sacrifice and put others needs before your own sometimes.
My fav Sesame Street characters were Grover and Ernie--I liked Bert, too.
Post a Comment